So thus far, I've modified the regimen to do my workout first, then Qigong. So here's where I'm at.
Workout:
1) Cardio - Sprint/Walk intervals for one mile
2) Resistance - Push-ups, pull-ups, hang cleans
3) Stretching
Qigong:
1) Rooting - Tree Pose
2) Gathering - Breathing exercises
3) Harmonizing - Microcosmic Orbit, Tai Chi
Diet:
1) Still eating like a fat ass, but less frequently, and less portions.
2) 64 oz of water
Overall, I can feel some difference in daily energy. When I feel the most energy is right after the Qigong session. I've noticed that whenever I do Qigong after the workout, I feel a world of difference in my energy level. I feel very light and ready to rock 'n roll. Before I started this Qigong/Taoist regimen, I felt like shit after workouts. So doing Qigong is definitely a good way to build up energy after spending it on exercising.
However, something has to happen with my diet. I think it's more important than my exercise regimen in that my need to drop the adipose tissue and to normalize my blood levels (cholesterol, triglycerides, etc) has more to do with diet than exercise. Sure, exercise will help, but not as quickly as proper intake.
So let's work on that. I feel as if the effects of Qigong would be a lot more pronounced if my diet were correct.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Day 9 - more modifications
Okay, so I did some more modifications today, and I'm planning even more tomorrow.
This morning I felt like crap. I stayed up late last night, and woke up at 7:30am, later than usual. The reason why I get up early is so that I can get the morning routine done before my 2-year-old kid wakes up around 8am, after that, no time for cultivation.
Anyway, I felt like crap. I did my rooting as well as I could, and when it came to gathering Qi doing my 400 breaths, I had absolutely no energy to, I wanted to give up. But I kept going up till 200 and took my break. It was hard to do today! So I decided I'm gonna break it up into 4 sets of 100 instead of 200 + 200. So for the next 200 breaths, I broke it up in half, took a break and finished the rest. THAT, felt much better, and I got equally as energized.
Afterwards, I did some more tree pose with relaxed breathing, yet feeling like I was encapsulated by a sphere of pure Qi (more like being submerged in a sea of Qi), and felt the Qi infusing itself through every pore of my body, and then I led that to my dantien. After that, I did my microcosmic orbit and tai chi while maintaining that feeling of being submerged in a sea of pure Qi. I then closed out the Qigong regimen and did my short-light cardio and muscle toning/stretching.
So, one thought. Since it's so much for me to begin the cultivation right away I figure I'll need to warm up. Plus, what's the use of cultivating when I'm gonna expend the energy afterwards with my workout (although light, I'm still using up energy that I was trying to store)? The main goal is creating a surplus of energy. So I really should do the workouts first, and cultivate afterwards. Solid.
So... here are my proposed modifications starting tomorrow.
1. Light cardio
2. Muscle toning, stretching, yoga
3. Qigong cultivation
a. Rooting - Tree Pose
b. Gathering
1. 400 deep breaths
2. Tree Pose/skin breathing
c. Harmonizing
1. Microcosmic Orbit
2. Taijiquan - Tai Chi
DIET NOTE: although my fat-ass diet hasn't changed much (I'm still eating lots of rice and meat), my appetite seems to be normalizing, as I'm feeling the need to eat less.
That's a start. That's a good start.
Like I said, these 100 days are more of a "kick-off." Unlike a lot of diet regimens that make you do their diet for so many days, my goal during these 100 days is to gradually decrease my desire for food (and certain foods), so that on the 100th day, I will have a new and improved relationship with food, perhaps lasting for the rest of my life. That's my goal. Whether or not it works, it's worth a shot.
ANOTHER DIET NOTE: according to a friend of mine, who has done research and treated cancer with Medical Qigong and Bigu fasting, "food tends to feed cancer." Not only that, over-consumption of food in general (eating like a fat ass) can be carcinogenic. That's another reason behind my "grow older, eat less, hydrate more" theory. More on that at a later date.
This morning I felt like crap. I stayed up late last night, and woke up at 7:30am, later than usual. The reason why I get up early is so that I can get the morning routine done before my 2-year-old kid wakes up around 8am, after that, no time for cultivation.
Anyway, I felt like crap. I did my rooting as well as I could, and when it came to gathering Qi doing my 400 breaths, I had absolutely no energy to, I wanted to give up. But I kept going up till 200 and took my break. It was hard to do today! So I decided I'm gonna break it up into 4 sets of 100 instead of 200 + 200. So for the next 200 breaths, I broke it up in half, took a break and finished the rest. THAT, felt much better, and I got equally as energized.
Afterwards, I did some more tree pose with relaxed breathing, yet feeling like I was encapsulated by a sphere of pure Qi (more like being submerged in a sea of Qi), and felt the Qi infusing itself through every pore of my body, and then I led that to my dantien. After that, I did my microcosmic orbit and tai chi while maintaining that feeling of being submerged in a sea of pure Qi. I then closed out the Qigong regimen and did my short-light cardio and muscle toning/stretching.
So, one thought. Since it's so much for me to begin the cultivation right away I figure I'll need to warm up. Plus, what's the use of cultivating when I'm gonna expend the energy afterwards with my workout (although light, I'm still using up energy that I was trying to store)? The main goal is creating a surplus of energy. So I really should do the workouts first, and cultivate afterwards. Solid.
So... here are my proposed modifications starting tomorrow.
1. Light cardio
2. Muscle toning, stretching, yoga
3. Qigong cultivation
a. Rooting - Tree Pose
b. Gathering
1. 400 deep breaths
2. Tree Pose/skin breathing
c. Harmonizing
1. Microcosmic Orbit
2. Taijiquan - Tai Chi
DIET NOTE: although my fat-ass diet hasn't changed much (I'm still eating lots of rice and meat), my appetite seems to be normalizing, as I'm feeling the need to eat less.
That's a start. That's a good start.
Like I said, these 100 days are more of a "kick-off." Unlike a lot of diet regimens that make you do their diet for so many days, my goal during these 100 days is to gradually decrease my desire for food (and certain foods), so that on the 100th day, I will have a new and improved relationship with food, perhaps lasting for the rest of my life. That's my goal. Whether or not it works, it's worth a shot.
ANOTHER DIET NOTE: according to a friend of mine, who has done research and treated cancer with Medical Qigong and Bigu fasting, "food tends to feed cancer." Not only that, over-consumption of food in general (eating like a fat ass) can be carcinogenic. That's another reason behind my "grow older, eat less, hydrate more" theory. More on that at a later date.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Clarification
I know that being 35 years old isn't old at all, but after all the knowledge I've gained in medicine thus far, I feel more inclined to participate in exercise, diet and lifestyle regimens that "Nourish the Yin." That basically means - being healthy from the inside, which will then express itself on the outside. And by "inside," I mean my internal organs, blood, fluids and Qi flow within my energetic channels.
It goes a lot deeper than that (as I wish to one day study Medical Qigong with a master that I've found), but that's it in a nutshell.
So to clarify... when I said that this is my "100 Day" journey, it's more of a kick-off for the rest of my life, not just for 100 days. And it's not taxing, nor does it take too much effort. It just takes a relationship change between yourself and food, drink, air and life. And I believe that 100 days is a good amount of time to re-establish a new relationship with them.
It goes a lot deeper than that (as I wish to one day study Medical Qigong with a master that I've found), but that's it in a nutshell.
So to clarify... when I said that this is my "100 Day" journey, it's more of a kick-off for the rest of my life, not just for 100 days. And it's not taxing, nor does it take too much effort. It just takes a relationship change between yourself and food, drink, air and life. And I believe that 100 days is a good amount of time to re-establish a new relationship with them.
Day 8 - a slight change in Qigong regimen
Well, today I decided I wanted to keep my morning Qigong practice more towards the gathering of Qi and circulation of Qi. I decided to omit the quiet sitting meditation for the mornings, and save that for later on during the day or towards the evening.
So what I did differently during my "Breathing the Mile" (400 deep breaths) exercises was breath even deeper and faster, while holding my palms on my navel, right palm over left. The previous days, I had my arms in a sort of circle, as if holding a beach ball to my lower abdomen, while expanding/contracting my arms with every inhale/exhale.
So with the new hand positions, together with the faster/deeper breathing techniques, I felt yet an even bigger change from yesterday. By the time I was done with that segment, my whole body was vibrating, particularly my upper body and my arms/hands. Very interesting and pleasant. I felt as if my body were vibrating with pure energy.
Afterwards, I did my Microcosmic Orbit. Today, I decided to do this sitting on the edge of my couch, take nine deep breaths, holding my breath on the nine breath while leading the Qi to my navel, exhaling, then doing nine rotations of the Microcosmic Orbit. I did this nine times. By the time I was done with that, my energy level was still high.
After that, I did the Tai Chi Yang 24 form once, then did some light cardio and yoga for a few minutes.
So in summary:
1. Tree Pose - meditation on deep rooting
2. Gathering Qi - 400 deep breaths in to lower dantien (around/just below the navel)
3. Microcosmic Orbit (Small Circulation) - 9 deep breaths and 9 rotations for 9 sets
4. Taijiquan - Tai Chi 24 Posture Yang Form
5. Light cardio
6. Yoga - basic sun salutations
I feel good, so far even better than the first day.
So what I did differently during my "Breathing the Mile" (400 deep breaths) exercises was breath even deeper and faster, while holding my palms on my navel, right palm over left. The previous days, I had my arms in a sort of circle, as if holding a beach ball to my lower abdomen, while expanding/contracting my arms with every inhale/exhale.
So with the new hand positions, together with the faster/deeper breathing techniques, I felt yet an even bigger change from yesterday. By the time I was done with that segment, my whole body was vibrating, particularly my upper body and my arms/hands. Very interesting and pleasant. I felt as if my body were vibrating with pure energy.
Afterwards, I did my Microcosmic Orbit. Today, I decided to do this sitting on the edge of my couch, take nine deep breaths, holding my breath on the nine breath while leading the Qi to my navel, exhaling, then doing nine rotations of the Microcosmic Orbit. I did this nine times. By the time I was done with that, my energy level was still high.
After that, I did the Tai Chi Yang 24 form once, then did some light cardio and yoga for a few minutes.
So in summary:
1. Tree Pose - meditation on deep rooting
2. Gathering Qi - 400 deep breaths in to lower dantien (around/just below the navel)
3. Microcosmic Orbit (Small Circulation) - 9 deep breaths and 9 rotations for 9 sets
4. Taijiquan - Tai Chi 24 Posture Yang Form
5. Light cardio
6. Yoga - basic sun salutations
I feel good, so far even better than the first day.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Day 7
Well... I tried the "Breathing the Mile" thing.
So first, I did my preparatory routine (sitting meditation, tree pose) and did my 400 deep breaths. For the first 25 deep breaths, I was like "hoh, crap, this is gonna suck." I was only breathing through one nostril and I got really thirsty. But I worked through it and did what I had to do. I wanted to stop several times during the experiment but there's a point to where you just have to go for it. But after the 200th deep breath, I stopped, closed out the technique, took a few sips of water, and got back into it. Eventually, I did finish the 400th slow, deep breath. If I recall, the total time was roughly 35 minutes.
Afterwards, I did my usual microcosmic orbit to tai chi to quiet sitting. Total meditation/Qigong time was 1 hour, 17 minutes.
More on the "Breathing the Mile" thing... immediately after the first set of 200 breaths, I felt energized. I walked around and I really felt like I've been running, only my legs and body were not sore. But I felt really good.
During the 2nd set of 200, that's when things started getting a little hairy. I'm not sure that I rooted myself correctly before I resumed, because in the middle of the 2nd set, I started having visions. The vision was of me walking through space or a dark corridor and spirits and demons were staring at me as I passed. One demon, seemed like he was trying to pounce at me or trying to scare me. This has happened to me before, and being an entry-level monk that I am, I freaked out and stopped on the spot. My friend advised me to work on my rooting, so I did. So this time, when I saw those visions again, instead of freaking out, I rooted myself even deeper and continued on my merry way. It worked.
When I got done, I felt energized, however the lateral aspect of my left leg (from my hip to my knee) were really fatigued, and kinda numb. But that's basically from standing in my Qigong stance for 35 minutes (besides the 2 minute break for water).
One thing I noticed was that I had goosebumps and chills, but it may have been from the visions I received during the routine. I may have been creeped out a little bit, but not as badly as I was the first time I saw it. I did my best to re-root myself and to "Kill the Buddha" (to basically not dwell upon any of the visions you see, especially the bad ones).
So in conclusion... yes, my body felt like it received the same amount of oxygen as if I ran a mile, yet without the feeling of fatigue, lactic acid buildup, shin splints and sore joints (I have flat feet). I felt energized and ready to take on the world.
So first, I did my preparatory routine (sitting meditation, tree pose) and did my 400 deep breaths. For the first 25 deep breaths, I was like "hoh, crap, this is gonna suck." I was only breathing through one nostril and I got really thirsty. But I worked through it and did what I had to do. I wanted to stop several times during the experiment but there's a point to where you just have to go for it. But after the 200th deep breath, I stopped, closed out the technique, took a few sips of water, and got back into it. Eventually, I did finish the 400th slow, deep breath. If I recall, the total time was roughly 35 minutes.
Afterwards, I did my usual microcosmic orbit to tai chi to quiet sitting. Total meditation/Qigong time was 1 hour, 17 minutes.
More on the "Breathing the Mile" thing... immediately after the first set of 200 breaths, I felt energized. I walked around and I really felt like I've been running, only my legs and body were not sore. But I felt really good.
During the 2nd set of 200, that's when things started getting a little hairy. I'm not sure that I rooted myself correctly before I resumed, because in the middle of the 2nd set, I started having visions. The vision was of me walking through space or a dark corridor and spirits and demons were staring at me as I passed. One demon, seemed like he was trying to pounce at me or trying to scare me. This has happened to me before, and being an entry-level monk that I am, I freaked out and stopped on the spot. My friend advised me to work on my rooting, so I did. So this time, when I saw those visions again, instead of freaking out, I rooted myself even deeper and continued on my merry way. It worked.
When I got done, I felt energized, however the lateral aspect of my left leg (from my hip to my knee) were really fatigued, and kinda numb. But that's basically from standing in my Qigong stance for 35 minutes (besides the 2 minute break for water).
One thing I noticed was that I had goosebumps and chills, but it may have been from the visions I received during the routine. I may have been creeped out a little bit, but not as badly as I was the first time I saw it. I did my best to re-root myself and to "Kill the Buddha" (to basically not dwell upon any of the visions you see, especially the bad ones).
So in conclusion... yes, my body felt like it received the same amount of oxygen as if I ran a mile, yet without the feeling of fatigue, lactic acid buildup, shin splints and sore joints (I have flat feet). I felt energized and ready to take on the world.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Day 6 - with an overview of my Qigong regimen
Well, it's day six, and lemme tell ya... I just happened to start this whole thing near Easter and I've fallen off the wagon already (as far as diet).
But you know what? It's okay. Consistency makes the habit, the habit makes the lifestyle. So you get back on that horse and keep going. You should never beat yourself up over your mistakes. They happen. Grow up, live and learn.
So here's my morning Qigong regimen:
1) Sitting meditation - relaxing the mind and body in order to prepare for the intake and free flow of Qi
2) Standing meditation - Wuji state, tree pose. Maintaining the relaxed state, concentrating on deeply rooting myself (my feet) towards the center of the earth.
3) Qigong cultivation - breathing exercises. Maintaining the relaxed state, deep breathing exercises, breathing into my navel, or two-three finger-widths below, and storing the energy (Qi) from the oxygen there even as I exhale.
4) Sitting Qigong - Microcosmic Orbit/Small Circulation. Taking the Qi from my lower abdominal storage and circulating it around the center of my body.
5) Taijiquan - 24 posture Yang Form. I consider this "Macrocosmic Orbit" because now we're circulating Qi throughout all the energetic channels of the body.
And lemme tellya... after the Qigong session, I feel friggin' amazing.
And strangely enough, I feel less need for food for the rest of the day. Just plenty of water.
So, I've been wondering... what are the average breaths one take when running a mile? I looked it up because my lazy ass won't run the mile to find out. I discovered somewhere on Google that it's about 400 breaths per mile. Whether or not that's feasible, I'll find out later, but I'll take that number.
Interesting. So what if I decide to do my Qigong cultivation exercises based on that number? 400 reps of deep, controlled breathing. My proposed theory is that perhaps my body will be just as oxygenated as if I actually ran the mile... however, my body wouldn't have to recover from sore muscles, as well as the build up of lactic acid, thus my body wouldn't have to expend that extra energy to heal itself. So would that mean that I would feel better and have more energy from BREATHING the mile than if I actually RAN the mile? Maybe.
But just so you know, this is just for my Qigong session... in the workout session, I do a series of sprints.
Wow... interesting. "Breathing the Mile." I think I'll try it and I'll let you know how it goes.
But you know what? It's okay. Consistency makes the habit, the habit makes the lifestyle. So you get back on that horse and keep going. You should never beat yourself up over your mistakes. They happen. Grow up, live and learn.
So here's my morning Qigong regimen:
1) Sitting meditation - relaxing the mind and body in order to prepare for the intake and free flow of Qi
2) Standing meditation - Wuji state, tree pose. Maintaining the relaxed state, concentrating on deeply rooting myself (my feet) towards the center of the earth.
3) Qigong cultivation - breathing exercises. Maintaining the relaxed state, deep breathing exercises, breathing into my navel, or two-three finger-widths below, and storing the energy (Qi) from the oxygen there even as I exhale.
4) Sitting Qigong - Microcosmic Orbit/Small Circulation. Taking the Qi from my lower abdominal storage and circulating it around the center of my body.
5) Taijiquan - 24 posture Yang Form. I consider this "Macrocosmic Orbit" because now we're circulating Qi throughout all the energetic channels of the body.
And lemme tellya... after the Qigong session, I feel friggin' amazing.
And strangely enough, I feel less need for food for the rest of the day. Just plenty of water.
So, I've been wondering... what are the average breaths one take when running a mile? I looked it up because my lazy ass won't run the mile to find out. I discovered somewhere on Google that it's about 400 breaths per mile. Whether or not that's feasible, I'll find out later, but I'll take that number.
Interesting. So what if I decide to do my Qigong cultivation exercises based on that number? 400 reps of deep, controlled breathing. My proposed theory is that perhaps my body will be just as oxygenated as if I actually ran the mile... however, my body wouldn't have to recover from sore muscles, as well as the build up of lactic acid, thus my body wouldn't have to expend that extra energy to heal itself. So would that mean that I would feel better and have more energy from BREATHING the mile than if I actually RAN the mile? Maybe.
But just so you know, this is just for my Qigong session... in the workout session, I do a series of sprints.
Wow... interesting. "Breathing the Mile." I think I'll try it and I'll let you know how it goes.
Labels:
breathing,
macrocosmic orbit,
microcosmic orbit,
qigong,
taijiquan
Monday, April 5, 2010
Intro Part Two - 100 Days
Just to briefly start, I've been casually reading/researching Taoism since about 2005, and fell in love (Didn't I say that I'm new to this???). As time went by and interest seemed to deepen, I eventually found myself a student of Traditional Chinese Medicine (acupuncture, herbal medicine, medical massage, etc) in September 2008. It was then when I truly started researching Qigong ("chee-gong": energy cultivation) via books, DVD's and classmates. After more than a year of reading and researching, I have come up with my own "entry-level" theories on health and vitality.
Basically, from what I've learned in school thus far, I'm starting to wonder if I can be equally as strong and healthy if I've got more internal energy versus having big muscles. And I'm wondering if increasing my vitality will naturally lead my fat-ass to lose more weight, rather than over-taxing myself with over-strenuous exercise.
So... to make a long story short, on April 1, 2010 I decided to test my little theories for 100 days. So here it is (as abbreviated as I could):
1) Qigong Cultivation - I will slowly increase the frequency and length of my Qi cultivation and meditation sessions. Breathing exercises to increase oxygen intake in order to improve and normalize overall body metabolism, as well as to assist in cleansing the blood and relieving blood stasis. Meditation is for calming the body and mind to maximize my full potential, and to also unblock any energy stagnation caused by prolonged emotional trauma (long story).
2) Diet - I will slowly decrease the amount of food that I eat, but increase the amount of liquids that I drink. I tend to think as you get older, the less you need to eat and the more you need to drink water. That could explain why as we get older, our metabolism slows down and our bodies dry up, hence, the decreased need for food and the increased need for water.
3) Exercise - I will do only exercises to maintain natural strength and flexibility, without it being over-taxing on the body. Yoga, moderate cardio, etc. Moderate exercise that focuses on natural strength and flexibility is just plain something that appeals to me more than being Mr. Muscleman.
My proposed outcome should be as follows: 1) increased feeling of energy, 2) a more calm and clarity of mind, 3) an improvement in blood levels (cholesterol, triglycerides, blood sugar, etc, 4) loss of excess adipose tissue (fat), but with maintained toned muscles resulting in the "cut" look.
Mind you, this is more for my health and vitality, and less for my "looks." I'm married for chrissake, why would I obsess over my looks? If I'm healthy on the inside, most likely it will show on the outside anyway.
That, my friend, is what I call "Yin Nourishing." More on that later.
So there. Wish me luck.
Basically, from what I've learned in school thus far, I'm starting to wonder if I can be equally as strong and healthy if I've got more internal energy versus having big muscles. And I'm wondering if increasing my vitality will naturally lead my fat-ass to lose more weight, rather than over-taxing myself with over-strenuous exercise.
So... to make a long story short, on April 1, 2010 I decided to test my little theories for 100 days. So here it is (as abbreviated as I could):
1) Qigong Cultivation - I will slowly increase the frequency and length of my Qi cultivation and meditation sessions. Breathing exercises to increase oxygen intake in order to improve and normalize overall body metabolism, as well as to assist in cleansing the blood and relieving blood stasis. Meditation is for calming the body and mind to maximize my full potential, and to also unblock any energy stagnation caused by prolonged emotional trauma (long story).
2) Diet - I will slowly decrease the amount of food that I eat, but increase the amount of liquids that I drink. I tend to think as you get older, the less you need to eat and the more you need to drink water. That could explain why as we get older, our metabolism slows down and our bodies dry up, hence, the decreased need for food and the increased need for water.
3) Exercise - I will do only exercises to maintain natural strength and flexibility, without it being over-taxing on the body. Yoga, moderate cardio, etc. Moderate exercise that focuses on natural strength and flexibility is just plain something that appeals to me more than being Mr. Muscleman.
My proposed outcome should be as follows: 1) increased feeling of energy, 2) a more calm and clarity of mind, 3) an improvement in blood levels (cholesterol, triglycerides, blood sugar, etc, 4) loss of excess adipose tissue (fat), but with maintained toned muscles resulting in the "cut" look.
Mind you, this is more for my health and vitality, and less for my "looks." I'm married for chrissake, why would I obsess over my looks? If I'm healthy on the inside, most likely it will show on the outside anyway.
That, my friend, is what I call "Yin Nourishing." More on that later.
So there. Wish me luck.
Intro Part One - Me
Yes... not only did I decide to finally commit to my journey towards immortality (or vitality) through Taoist internal alchemy... TODAY, I decided to write a blog about it.
But while I'm at it, I might as well flood "teh 1nterw3bz" with the ones-and-zeros regarding my experiences as a student of Oriental Medicine, as I have more than a year left to earn my "Masters" degree in it.
LOL, "Masters." What a load of shit. By the time I'm done with school, I would have helped make an impact on at least 1,000 lives within 1,000 hours of clinical practice (via the internship). By the time I'm done with school, I would be able to diagnose and treat thousands more. By the time I'm done with school, I'm "pretty much" a physician. It's Arrogant American Society that would prevent me from legally calling myself a "doctor."
But whatever. As an Entry-Level Taoist, I'll just say "it is what it is."
Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this blog is because I want to document the changes and growth that I go through as my journey progresses and the plot thickens. I'm learning as you read. So welcome.
I'm Sonny, and these are my thoughts...
But while I'm at it, I might as well flood "teh 1nterw3bz" with the ones-and-zeros regarding my experiences as a student of Oriental Medicine, as I have more than a year left to earn my "Masters" degree in it.
LOL, "Masters." What a load of shit. By the time I'm done with school, I would have helped make an impact on at least 1,000 lives within 1,000 hours of clinical practice (via the internship). By the time I'm done with school, I would be able to diagnose and treat thousands more. By the time I'm done with school, I'm "pretty much" a physician. It's Arrogant American Society that would prevent me from legally calling myself a "doctor."
But whatever. As an Entry-Level Taoist, I'll just say "it is what it is."
Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this blog is because I want to document the changes and growth that I go through as my journey progresses and the plot thickens. I'm learning as you read. So welcome.
I'm Sonny, and these are my thoughts...
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